Alba Speaks Out For Oklahoma's Shark Population

Once again, a Hollywood ecophile, this one being Jessica Alba, has raised awareness of another injustice perpetrated against the animal kingdom: The rampant and unconscionable killing of sharks in Oklahoma.

Hoping to raise public awareness about the plight of Oklahoma's sharks, Alba plastered shark posters around Oklahoma City. This action was met with mixed reviews by Oklahoma residents.

According to Oklahoma City Chief of Police, William Citty, "We have been trying for years to shut down the underground shark-fighting ring in this area, but until Ms. Alba raised awareness of the problem, we had gotten nowhere. Blowing the cover off this scandal makes the Michael Vick bust look like small potatoes." (This was followed by a rather obvious eye roll.)

When asked about the charges against Alba for defacing public property, the chief replied, "Well, a little public defacement is a pretty small price to pay for the lives of Oklahoma's shark population, don't you think? As for that United Way sign, heck, they can always replace the billboard, but a shark's life? Well, that can't be replaced."

Many Oklahomans are offended by Alba's vandalism disguised as activism. "She's just another Hollywood wing-nut trying to jam another stupid cause down our throats," said one resident.

A local grocer added, "Shark advocacy? In Oklahoma? Does she even know her geography?"

And this from the man who has been tasked with scraping, not one, but three posters off a utility box in Bricktown, "What are the odds that that shark-loving mental giant will help scrape the posters off this utility box?"

But Alba has had support for her actions. The PETA representative for central Oklahoma commented, "Um, I wasn't aware we had a shark abuse problem around here, but I'm not surprised."

And Alba's co-workers are standing by her as well. "I, for one, applaud her courage and tenacity. We need more people like Jessica to speak up for those who can't speak up for themselves. These dumb Okies need to be held accountable for their part in the torture of sharks."

Alba has apologized for her actions, a move that has reportedly left her in bad standing with shark advocates world wide.

"Its hard to balance my responsibilities to my fans, the animals we share this planet with, and the citizens of this global village. I am truly sorry I offended the people of Oklahoma."

Alba's agent has stated that the negative press in Oklahoma has forced her to cancel her Alligator Awareness rally in Omaha, Nebraska.

Spector Falls Victim To Democrat Hazing

Spector Demoted To Freshman Status

In light of Arlan Spector's demotion, I offer this warning to all who voted for Obama and planted their flag in the liberal camp: There is no loyalty among thieves.

Prediction: Nationalized Health Care For Swine

While in the waiting room at the doctor's office today, I had to endure The View. But, thanks to the newest national crisis, it was interrupted by a breaking story from our local news network. Someone in Oklahoma had the swine flu. Thank God for small favors. Not for the suffering Okie who has the newest threat to America, but for the break in the insipid dialogue of the View nags.

Which brings me to my prediction: The swine flu is going to be the "crisis" that Obama will use to justify nationalizing health care. It's perfect, really. The media, on orders from the White House, no doubt, have already raised swine flu to the level of the plague. And with many Americans buying into the we're all going to die propaganda, it's only a matter of time before the Anointed One calls another press conference for the express purpose of saving the world from the pig sniffles.

So, how will he go about it? Hard to say. Americans aren't a real compliant bunch. For all the medical community has told us about obesity and cholesterol...well, look around, we aren't getting any thinner. Obama will have to resort to extreme measures. He'll have to nationalize health care - and NOW!

Isn't it funny how socialism is the answer to everything with these clowns? Which should be clue number one that, with them, it isn't about helping people, it's about grabbing power. And what better way to grab power than to convince a nation that they are powerless. Powerless against corporate CEO's, powerless against Wall Street, powerless against global warming, and now, powerless against a virus. Kind of makes you wonder how America managed to become the most powerful nation in the world.

It only takes a cursory knowledge of history, which is far more than the average American possesses, to see that Obama isn't breaking any new ground here. The list of socialist dictators who have scared their countries into submission is long and, in democrat circles, distinguished.

I have no doubt that my prediction will come true. It won't be long before we get news segments and full color glossies on the cover of People decrying the plight of the down trodden who have had their lives wrecked by the swine flu. In follow-up stories bent on naming a villain (because a little virus can't be to blame and Bush will be busy fighting off war crime charges), we'll hear how drug companies are charging too much for medicine, and doctors are charging too much for treatment. And finally, the White House, via the media, will unveil the solutin: The Cuban health care model.

I wish I was wrong, but sadly, I don't think I am.

Spector Defects: Where Do I Send My Thank You Note?

Randy Bish cartoon

Senator Arlen Spector, in a laughably transparent move to keep his job at the Senate, defected to the democrat party. But that's not news. We all knew he was "one of those" long before he came out of the closet. The nerve pinching moment, however, was when a celebratorial Nancy Pelosi thought it her duty to give the republican party some advice.

"I say to Republicans in America, take back your party," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-Calif., told reporters. "The party of protecting the environment, the party of individual rights, the party of fairness."

True to democrat form, Pelosi exercises the Say It Enough Times and They'll Believe It tactic. But, in her defense, she got it half right. Republicans should take their party back. And while they are at it, they might want to retrieve their spines.

Once upon a time, the republican party was the party of individual rights. But the party of protecting the environment? Say it isn't so. I guess I'm just too young to remember any granola-munching, solar panel brandishing, whack job republican environmentalists. My earliest recollection of a republican stand on the emerging environmental movement was President Reagan when he said, "A tree's a tree. How many more do you need to look at?" That pretty much settled the matter for me.

Pelosi also contends that the republican party used to be the party of fairness. I'm not sure where she's going with this one. A democrat's definition of fair is not the same as a republican's definition, or the rest of the free world's, for that matter.

Fairness, to a democrat, is castigating corporate CEO's for buying and flying private jets with "taxpayer dollars" while Air Force one joy rides around the Statue of Liberty burning fuel bought with taxpayer dollars. I won't even go into the questionable fairness of not giving the people of lower Manhattan a heads-up that a 747 would be doing a creepy 9/11ish low-level fly-by in the middle of the afternoon.

To a democrat, fairness only comes into play as it applies to those groups they can exploit for a vote such as the gay community, terrorists, prison inmates, the poor, and angry feminists. For Christians, conservatives, white males, women who choose not to abort their unborn, gun owners, and people who actually earn their money, the term fairness is modified by adding the prefix un- and dropping the suffix -ness.

Pelosi is working the spin that republicans used to stand for the very things democrats are working toward. In doing this she has to rewrite history and create myths for those who actually think she knows what she's talking about. Republicans would do well to set the record straight. But that would require a spine...

Continuing with her Say It Enough Times and They'll Think I Really Mean It tactic, Pelosi iced the cake by saying, "Our country needs a strong Republican Party".

Now, I'm not dumb enough to think she really wants a strong republican party, but if we can get more psuedo-republicans to come out of the socialist closet and slither over to the dark side, the old gal might just get her wish.

D'Antuono Piece To Be Replaced By Banner in Union Square

In celebration of Obama's first 100 days, artist Michael D'Antuono, had planned to unveil his masterpiece, The Truth, at Union Square today. Thankfully, D'Antuono, going against leftist dogma, displayed some decency and decided to not unveil his work. Read his open letter HERE.

For the record, I am a firm believer that every milestone deserves a good painting or slogan, and the first hundred days of a socialist dictator's reign of terror is no exception. So, in an effort to fill the void left by D'Antuono's decision to spare the country a year's worth of night terrors, I offer this to the American people:

O.K., so it's not a painting by some trendy New York artist, but you have to admit, it would make for a pretty sweet banner hanging in Union Station (or a bumper sticker on your car).

The title of this piece, by the way, is Public Service Announcement.

How To Spot a Terrorist Threat: A Liberal Primer

Napolitano and Obama demonstrating how to turn your neighbor in to Homeland Security. "We believe in total anonymity. Just point to your pro-life neighbor or the retired veteran in the grocery store and we'll take care of the rest."

For anyone who might be a little fuzzy on Janet Napolitano's inter-office memo about the dangers of living next door to a military veteran, a pro-lifer, or anyone who actually views the Constitution as something more than a waste of a perfectly good tree, I offer these snippets from the book, A Liberal's Guide To Terrorism: Can You Spot a True Threat To America?

#1 Any former member of the military who has served this country and kept Americans safe from harm, foreign and domestic: Threat

Homeland Security Action Plan: Full body cavity search of any veteran (real or imagined) before boarding an airplane. Monitor all VA loans to be sure they aren't living too large. Limit veteran to one bag of fertilizer per year. Make them pay for their own medical care. Wire tap all American Legion and USO facilities. Direct Hollywood to make more movies depicting war vets as misguided losers who hate America (Contact Sean Penn). President Obama to make frequent visits around the world repenting of the existence of an American Military.

#2 People from other countries who have flown airplanes into the buildings of major American cities and killing thousands: Not a Threat

These people are our friends; besides, we deserved it. They will be allowed, turbans and all, to board any aircraft free from the fear of being unfairly profiled or cavity searched. Approximately $20 million in stimulus money allotted to resume flight classes in Norman, Oklahoma starting in 2010. $5 million in stimulus money for iPods, prayer rugs, and weekend passes for detainees in Guantanamo Bay. President Obama to make frequent visits to said countries for the purpose of repenting the existence of an infidel America.

#3 People from our own country who have bombed government buildings and called themselves "The Weatherman": Not a Threat

Dissent is patriotic for socialist sympathizers. President Obama to make frequent visits to said person's home and deny the existence of a friendship.

#4 People who fight for the rights of unborn human beings. Threat

Homeland Security Action Plan: Using Pelosi's Economic Abortion Stimulus Plan, the government will extol the virtues of having only .5 children, raise taxes on married people with more than .5 children, and jail doctors who refuse to work toward the United State's new goal birth rate of .5 children per year. Bankrupt Nestle Corporation (owner of Gerber foods), bail them out, change baby food jar label from healthy, chubby-cheeked little tyke to picture of malnourished third-world baby. New slogan for Gerber: "Fewer American Babies For a Better World".

#5 People who legislate and/or perform the wholesale slaughter of millions of unborn humans: Not a Threat

Less people make for a smaller carbon footprint. It's about plants, stupid, not people.

#6 People who claim the right to bear arms: Threat

Homeland Security Action Plan: Ban gun ownership. This to include: semi-automatics, hand guns, shot guns, paintball guns, air soft guns, water guns, glue guns, and those highly dangerous guns for children with the bright orange plug on the end of the barrel. Tax Ted Nugent out of the country. Report all cars brandishing an NRA bumper sticker to the Homeland Security hot line. President Obama to make frequent trips to Mexico to blame America for the violence in Mexico, and, of course, repent of America's very existence.

#7 People who refer to our government as "The Collective" and call one another "Comrade": Not a Threat

It's high time the proper verbiage was used around this country.

Getting Tea'd in Oklahoma

Risking an Obama sanctioned sniper attack, Oklahoma Right Wing Radical Extremists had a Tea Party today. But these tea parties, which are springing up all across the nation, have got Obama and his SS men (aka, the Obamanized Homeland Security...Black Panthers...same thing) a bit uptight. According to them, the world just isn't safe with these radical subversives on the loose.

From John Romano at Big Hollywood:

A footnote attached to the report by the Homeland Security Office of Intelligence and Analysis defines “rightwing extremism in the United States” as including not just racist or hate groups, but also groups that reject federal authority in favor of state or local authority.

“It may include groups and individuals that are dedicated to a single-issue, such as opposition to abortion or immigration,” the warning says.

Translation: Opposition to anything a left winger supports is considered a threat to national security.

Translation of the translation: Oh sure, it's all fun and games until someone gets their rights back.